Saturday, August 28, 2010

All Hail Heroic Actors

  1. Hero = someone who saves, or tries to save, at least one life, even though such endeavor can, or does, lead to his own death.
  2. Heroic = type of action by a hero to save, or try to save, at least one life, even though such action can, or does, lead to his own death. Used as a way of assigning virtue to the hero’s action, thereby elevating the esteem that others have of him.
Philosophic assumptions:
  1. We who will die owe to others an obligation to delay their own deaths.
  2. Those others who will die owe to us an obligation to delay our own deaths.
  3. We owe an allegiance to a metaphysical thing defined by real estate property lines, because we live on such real estate with the permission of somebody, especially if we were born on it, or if we promised to obey somebody as a condition of permitted residency, or something like that. Frequently called a homeland, a country, a state, or a ‘hood.
  4. We are required as a condition of living to adore heroes because somebody told us to. Since heroes save lives, or try to anyway, they deserve to be canonized, regardless of how they saved, or tried to save, lives.
  5. We must prevent any possibility of death, however remote or close, even if such prevention exculpates other death.
  6. Actions by individuals define collective character.
  7. Collective character justifies individual tactics.
  8. Assume does not mean to make an ass of you and me.
Let us assume that a government employee aka Our Guy (OG) deliberately lays on a grenade launched by a government employee aka Their Guy (TG), fatally absorbs its explosive impact, for the time being prevents the deaths of other OGs, and is posthumously lauded.

By definition, he is a hero. By definition, his actions are heroic. His actions define the survivors as heroes too. When the surviving OGs kill an aggregate of any number of TGs before they go home they too, must be adored. Who knows how many lives at home were saved by the deaths of any number of TGs?

Let us assume that an OG single handedly wipes out 4 TG machine gunners and saves 15 of his OG buddies from being killed by TGs.

He is a hero by definition. His actions define his buddies as heroes too. Since they’re heroes by association, their behaviour is heroic. If they kill any number of TGs they are saving any number of lives at home and deserve adoration by residents of the homeland or whatever.

Let’s assume an OG casts a puppy from a cliff. He is a hero because he is an OG. An OG is a hero by association because the buddies of the machine-gun-nest exterminator, heroes by association, are OGs. See how that works? Whatever he does is heroic. He is preventively saving your life by terminating any possibility that the puppy could infect you with rabies or some other lethal disease. Never mind that the puppy is on the other side of the planet, would not ever make its way to you, and therefore would not be able to infect you. The thought counts.

Let’s assume an OG in a chair remotely controls a combat drone into launching a missile into a wedding party. That’s OK. It does not matter that he killed people who were adjacent to the missile target. He is a hero because he prevented the possibility that any of the wedding party members could kill you. Never mind that they had never heard of you, had no interest in you, were all about their wedding, and were barely acquainted with the target. The thought counts.

Let’s assume that OGs come home and, at the direction of their supervisors, watch over you to protect you from TGs. The OGs direct your movements and your activities. They search you and your property at any time. They collect and safeguard your possessions, including firearms. They do this to save you from dying without permission from somebody else, even if this means killing you to get your cooperation. The thought counts.

Aren't these OGs wonderful? Don't you feel secure knowing that these heroes are willing to save lives by taking lives?

Warning: this essay contains Swiftian Analytical Logic Elements (SALEs). Readers who are deficient in SALEs acumen may be offended.
Reader indiscretion is not advised.
This essay is for entertainment only.
It has not been evaluated by any Federal agency, nor is it intended to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any condition.